There are few inevitabilities in this life, and breakups and a broken heart are two. It doesn’t matter how old, how cool, how sensible, how emotionally mature, how pragmatic you are – it hurts like a bugger.
The immediate tendency (for me at least) is to go out and get incredibly drunk and chat up members of the opposite sex. We all know how that ends though – more rejection and a killer hangover.
As this is bound to happen from time to time, it’s good to have some kind of strategy for getting over the worst of it. Don’t get me wrong, there’s no way to fully avoid the fall out, but there are some steps that can be taken that might ease the crushing, pulsating sadness.
Below are a few tips that will, I sincerely hope, ease your burden at least a tiny, weeny bit. Just so you know, all of the following tips will work for both genders and all sexual orientations. They are simple, and relatively effective when used in conjunction.
Let’s get the ball rolling right here. This should be at the top of your priority list. It might sound harsh – “block” is such a brutal word – but it’s not. It’s for your own good; it’s not to be mean to the other person.
If you see your ex getting on with their life via Facebook (or at least pretending they’re having fun, because` let’s be honest, we don’t always put a genuine image of our lives up on FB) then it will bring the sadness down on you like a two-tonne plague.
Complete a full social media lock down on them. Of course “we still want to be friends,” and that certainly is achievable, just not now. You’ll have to wait for that I’m afraid.
Don’t Drink (Alone)
Telling someone not to drink after a break up is like telling someone who’s been in the desert for 24 hours not to take a sip of water.
Alcohol will undoubtedly happen. It won’t help (much), but it is unavoidable.
The important thing is how you handle the booze. Firstly, make sure you don’t get super-spazzed. Don’t go too far. Have a couple or three and then take a break.
Secondly, if you feel like drinking, don’t do it alone – that’s a rocky road to nowhere. Ask some friends round, it’ll help you forget about the shit storm and you’re much less likely to mope about like a sad sack, looking through old photos.
Oh man, drunk texts – how much trouble do they cause? Holy-moly.
When you are sober it is much easier for your sensible brain to force you to put the phone down and reconsider; when you’re drunk, though, that sensible section of your personality is basically dead.
There aren’t many tricks to this, but this might help – if you are drunk and want to text your ex, write the message on a piece of paper and tell yourself you will send it tomorrow morning.
Nine times out of ten, if you can read your hammered squiggles the next day, you will probably decide against sending that message. That’s my experience anyway.
And, for the love of Mary, Jesus and the Saints, don’t send drunk picture messages – they were a bad idea when you were together.
Unload The Rage
Even if your breakup wasn’t particularly gnarly or beef-filled, no doubt you will have some pent up aggression in there. That needs to come out of you in a constructive manner wherever possible.
You need to take up something that will allow your rage to flow and use up some of your emotional energy as physical energy.
Kickboxing perhaps, or drumming, maybe mountain-biking? But probably not yoga, and certainly not crochet.
Fresh air really does help you clear your mind. It’s cheesy, but it’s true. Seeing other stuff going on around you, whether in nature or in the city, takes your mind off of your own problems and puts them somewhere else for a wee while.
And your flat is starting to smell like beer and tears, so you should probably let it air for a while.
Try Not To Hook Up For A Bit
You might well have a rebound snog… or more… I’m not going to have a go at you for that. Feeling rejected means you’re way more likely to get it on with someone else.
But, whatever you do, don’t fall for the next person that touches your face with theirs. It’s an illusion… an illusion I tell you.
You’re hurt, you’ve got more free time than you’re used to, you’re drunk (most of the time), you’re emotionally drained – now is not the time to be making decisions about your future. If you find someone you really like, you darned well make sure you take it super slow. And tell your new catch why. Don’t drag them into your festering emotional hole – that’s not fair.
Crying Is Totally Fine
Like I said at the top, this list is for men and women. Crying is natural – if it wasn’t natural, then none of us would cry, would we? It’s evolved for a reason. I don’t think anyone knows exactly why we cry, it doesn’t seem to perform any particular purpose. But it will help.
If you wanna cry – do it. And don’t stop until you want to stop. You might want to wait until you leave the office before you start, but when you get home and slam that door behind you, let it go.
Avoid Avoid Avoid
If there’s a gig or a party where you think there’s a chance your ex will show up – swerve it. I don’t care if it is the party of the century, you’ll regret going.
Best case scenario: you turn up, your ex looks great, you chat and it’s weird, you want to cry all night, you get drunk, you eat a kebab, the end.
Worst case scenario: you turn up drunk, your ex is sober, you try and kiss them, you are rejected, you try and kiss everyone, you fall over, you spill your kebab walking home in the rain, the day after you have the worst hangover of your life.
There’s no easy way around this bastard. Tread cautiously. It will pass, I promise.